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[10 Jul 2007|02:48am]
[ mood | calm ]

So Ive opted for a meme gacked from Leoness's journal, instead of doing a long and probably boring update. Yep. Enjoy. Oh, and Hi by the way :)

1.The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? Anyone but my boss frankly. Or anyone who wants to order pizza.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Nu-uh, thats my ride home your talkin about... :S course I return it. ahem.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you? Yes, yes yes yes. Er. Yes.

4. Do you take compliments well? If I think its well meant and justified and not a dodgy chat up line... Yeah, I dont take em well.

5. Do you play Sudoku? Nup.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Nowhere to plug in straightners?? I think Ill just go die in a corner.

7. Do you like tongue rings? I have one and am quite fond of it. Tongue ring I mean, the tongue is included.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? I misread that as are you camp.No to the original question, yes to mine. *flaps*

9. Did you ever go to Vacation bible school as a kid? Noooo.

10. Do you like to take pictures? Im not good with technology, but yes I do.

11.What type of movies do you like to go see? Um, Ill watch anything if its been recommended frankly.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs? Of course. Considering my beliefs are almost non existant.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? Be pursued. Not that I can get very far in these shoes. That and I probably wouldnt notice. Im awful at all that.

14. Use three words to describe yourself at this moment? Want a cigarette.

15. Do any confused, emotionless songs make you cry? Yes, the cheeky girls and macarena have reduced me to tears many a time.

16. Are you continuing your education? For better or for worse yes I am.

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun? What? No- just really- no.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grab? I really want to say cigarettes.... Id grab my fiancee were she there. Failing that Id grab me clothes.

19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? My ass. By that I mean my eeyore donkey.

21. Favorite children's movie? Mary poppins

22. What color are your eyes? Kinda green

23. How tall are you? *mumbles* about five something

25. What do you look for in a boy/girlfriend? Im good with what I got really.

26. Any secret admirers? None that I know about. But then, I wouldnt.

27. Personality or looks? Personality doesnt sag with age, so Ill stay with that

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? The what?

31. Do you like mayo? Not on its own no

32. Do you like mustard? See above.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Dream of eating. Yeeeah.

34. Do you look like your mom or dad? Me dad. Got the same rugged looks and dodgy mustache.

35. How long does it take you to shower? Depends how late I am.

36. Can you do the splits? *grins* yeeeeah

37. What movie do you want to see right now? Not fussed really

38. Taken or single? Soooo taken.

40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy? Who? what? where? Is this a political question?

42. Do you like ice-cream? Hell yeah

43. Do you fall fast? I must jump and find out

44. Was your mom a cheerleader? *giggles* non. I was though. Go ahead and gag.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name? S

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? Its 2.30 am. Surely that must tell you something

48. Missionary or doggy? Not into charity nor do I have pets.

49. What do you buy at the movies? A decent backrow seat...

50. Do you know how to play poker? Yes...

51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Only in the car. Quite unnecessary and uncomfortable otherwise.

52. What do you wear to sleep? Not very much. a quilt and a smile usually

53. Anything big ever happen in your town? the eiffel tower?

54. Is your hair straight or curly? Straightened within an inch of its life

55. Is your bellybutton pierced? Used to be. I was a mean girl clone. Ugh.

56. Do you like Liver and Onions? Seriously- what?

58. Do you like funny or serious people better? I find people who take themselves seriously quite funny actually.

59. Would any of your ex'es consider you a sex nempho? Is there any other kind of nympho I wonder. But non,I doubt that they would.

60. Do you like the rain? Yeees. I used to live in England, its practically a requirement.

61. Ocean or pool? Definately the ocean.

62. What's your favorite drink? Um. Coffee

63. Do you hate chocolate? No, just not overly girly about loving it.

64. Are you a gullible person? I like to think not, but Ive been proved wrong.

66. Do you need a bf/gf to be happy? No, but my *god* it helps.

67. Do you have socks on right now? Nup, work nylons.

69. What is your favorite time of day? Dawn. New day. Need I say more.

70. Do you like PINK? Yes!! I mean, ahem, ya its ok I spose.

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words just cant des- [05 Nov 2006|09:26pm]
So the sadist that is my teacher is makin me be a man for the week. Nothing against them, in fact I quite like men, lightly toasted with a rocket salad. Just couldnt eat a whole one ya know? Bad for the digestive system. But I digress. I have to be one. Yep. Beer-swiggin, footie-watching, skirt-chasin macho man. Meh. I wanted to be caaaamp dammit.
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every now and then [04 Aug 2006|02:03am]
[ mood | amused ]

Well it never rains and then it pours doesnt it.
No I'm not talking about the weather.

So yet again I find myself having to play the waiting game. Not as in don a uniform and serve coffee, though Id not say no to that, at least tis straightforward. Non, I mean yet again I have to go away, yet again I have to tell myself Paris isnt far off. Yet again Im counting down the days.

If my patience were underwear I could open a shop to rival Ann Summers', honestly.

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london's burning [27 Jul 2006|12:46am]
[ mood | amused ]

So, tempted as I am to bemoan the heat, I fear it would invite alot of  "Well get out of the kitchen love" comments back. Im not convinced that joke was amusing the first twenty times either, which really isnt helping.

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all or nothing [24 Jul 2006|08:31pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Whenever Im convinced that my mom has pushed herself to the bizarreness limit, she turns around and proves me oh so wrong. Ya, we went to the peace protest held in J.F.S, I naively believed to actually protest for peace. Did we? Did we hell, she was pratically selling me as a concubine to any Jewish boy thatd have me. Makes sense I spose, we *have* worked our way through the Catholic and Christian churches. I'll just make sure Im out of the country for Divali, or the poor Hindus wont know what'll have hit them.

Aside from that, Im just counting the minutes till we move to Paris. And looking for my passport, that always comes in handy I find. I havent lost it as such, I just dont remember where it is.Not as illogical as it sounds, I tend to hide stuff so it stays in the room, but I think I may havee hidden it too well. Ill panic more nearer the time. Maybe I put it with the alcohol. Yes. If I drink Ill remember. Now where did I hide those bottles.

Yours as always

Rose xxx

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calm before the storrm [09 Jul 2006|09:57pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Ok so I'm calmer, and yeah there are some things that are out of even my power. This last week if anything, proved that. So Santa baby, bring me infailliablility for Xmas next year? Please? Failing that, a diamond ring or yacht wont go amiss.

Hm. Got a stupidly busy week, but busy is good, there's less margin for error. And yeah, I hate making mistakes. I hate being part of someone else's even more.

Im calm, even though the storm is nearly here. Somehow I know everything will be alright. Coz it's always alright in the end. If it isnt alright.... well it simply means it isnt the end.

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huh [07 Jul 2006|04:28pm]
Oh. Merde




Same story,  same plot. Same fucking cast. He's on his way to London. Fuck.
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merde alors [03 Jul 2006|02:23pm]
That bastard Murphy and his law have a lorra lorra stuff to answer to.

So I find myself jobless and back at home with the parents. Ive never had both happen, least of all at the same time. Dont get me wrong, I love my family to bits, but ...............if you see an article about the girl who made her mother eat her own cooking then it... um.... wasnt me.

Oh what dont be daft, I'd never do such a thing.

So hypothetically speaking, to hire someone would be a better idea?
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and so the law of sod reigns [25 Jun 2006|05:46pm]
Well well well,

It appears Im now a manager.

I got it,my mom can now no longer call me the sytupid one. Well not to my face.

In fact  if I look around me now? I see everything I ever wanted, its all eventually coming together. Yes. Love it.

Can it really get better than this?
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[12 Jun 2006|05:00am]
[ mood | amused ]

Insomnia prevails so..... meme. Gacked from budsta11's journal.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
Makeup and clothes for damage control. It's actually amazing how many drinks the other staff spill on me.

2. How much cash do you have on you right now?
10 euro. A girls gotta have her fags n coffee before she can talk out loud. Before midday.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Guest? Im in a work frame of mind it would seem.

4. Favourite plant?
I like most, but at least with a cactus I can forget to water it. On purpose

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
On my normal cell, my youngest brother. On my work cell, strangely enough, work...

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
I 've not the foggiest. They both live on vibrate anyhow. Ahem. Coz of the noisy places I go to of course..

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Shirt? Honey its 23 degrees out here. Im in a lil black toppy thing.

8. Do you "label" yourself?
Not since that incident with permanent marker.

9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing?
Jimmy Choos. Yes Im shallow. And yes I like to be tall and unable to walk.

10. Do you prefer a bright or dark room?
Frankly it depends what/who Im doing.

11. What did you have for breakfast?
Fag and coffee. In fact Ive been having breakfast all day it would seem.

12. Since question 12 is weirdly missing, make some shit up.
Ummm... I have the most bizarre craving for a smoked salmon bagel. With BBQ sauce. Ya its' ick I know.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was chatting to my fiancee and cursing French dead playwrights instead of tryna read their plays. Its therapeutic, honest.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?
Normal cell "Wazzup sis, oi , help yr fave bro out, wen a gul ses she wantz a sloe screw, u recon i shud tak her to bar med n buy her 1 or dus she wanna shag? luvs ya loadz"
Work cell "Your brother just called. He sounds so sweet and polite, I told him youd gone home. He told me I had a cute voice, how old is he?!? V"

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
God no, *shudder* last time I did I ended up with a random subscription to Viagra. Yes, random. I didnt wannit. *blush*

16. What's an expression that you say a lot?
"Oh, *really*."

17. Who told you they loved you last?
My fiancee

18. Last furry thing you touched?
*thinks* Is this a trick question.....?

19. How many hours a week do you work?
I lost track. It varies from 40-60 odd.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
*laughs* Honey ask me that when I work out how to use a camera.

21. Favourite age you have been so far?
Oh, um, pretty much all of them. But 21and 22, joint.

22. Your worst enemy?
Isn't really an issue anymore. *smirks*

23. What is your current desk top picture?
*Blushes* My fiancee.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Yah Im done with work for toda-. Oh. So. No Im not.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to go back in time and fix all your mistakes which would you choose?
The money. My mistakes have made me who I am, and Im not ashamed of it. That and a million bucks could a happy closet make.

Hm. Im now going to go to my exam. And fall asleep with flying colours.

Yours as always
Rose xxx
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right. thats it. [05 Jun 2006|10:55pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

Ten biggest lies Ive been told at work.

10-course ive done barwork before
(no dear youve screwd an entire bar, not the same)

9-secretary. *its on your desk* NO IT DAMN WELL ISNT.

8-yes you can have those days off. = we will hound you on those days

7-my bus was late= i was fuckin my bloke/girlfreind silly. EVEN I KNOW BUSES DONT GIVE LOVEBITES

6-i well can muchly influhently speak italian/english/insert language of choice. IF YOU CANT EVEN SAY THAT CORRECTLY YOU HONESLTY THINK IM GONNA BELIEVE YOU?

5- we booked last night, I spoke to the boy on reception. IM SURE CHIARA AND AMELIA WILL BE FLATTERED. LIAR.

4-secretary *the new coffee machine/fax machine/light switch isnt rigged, just press here. .... = me getting covered in some substance or another


2-im a valued client here ya know. SO WHY CANT I FIND YOUR NAME ANYWHERE.

1- this'll only take five minutes. YOU SAID THAT AT MIDDAY. YESTERDAY.

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I almost just got onto a plane [02 Jun 2006|12:10am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I didnt expect *that.*

Truth be told I never really do, it's not even to avoid disappointment, but I just dont like trying to second guess other people- I include myself. And Im continually pleasantly surprised.

Spike- thank you *so* much for keeping an eye out when she slept over at the airport, you already do so much for us and I never seem to thank you properly. I owe you flowers methinks.

Ms Treston- You also did some huge favours at silly oclock in the morning and I honestly want to pay you back, and Im still at a loss to know how.

Back to the airport. All this year I've been going out once a month or so, I should be sick of the place already, but no I was tryin to get a last minute ticket. And Im *not* impulsive in the least, but call me crazy it seemed the right thing to do at the time. So Im told there are none left for tonight, que sera sera and all. *stares* But after this week I just wasnt sure I could go home alone.

I thought itd be like my being in London, how wrong I was. In London either one or both of us are on a time limit, or just have other stuff to do.Here Id taken the week off, the only thing we *had* to actually do was eat and sleep. Aside from work conscientiously ignoring the fact Ive done more than enough overtime to justify the time off and calling me at random hours it was exactly what I wanted.
I just didnt know it.

I kept wondering when shed get sick off me and my need to be made up and ready to go out all the time. I could list all my faults but frankly the list would be long. But it wasnt like that, it wasnt like anything or anytime Ive been over. Its not a critisism, god I loved it, every second. My friends loved her too bless them. Though at first they were a little bewildered. Which makes me laugh, theyve known I was gay since the offstart but its as Lil Luca exolained. "Its one thing knowing you prefer women, its just another to see you with your girlfriend."


The flat just feels wrong now. Before I could only imagine what shed make of it, how shed like the old fashioned lil streets, the view from the terrace, the people I meet each morning. What shed look like in the kitchen, confused over what Im cookin and how?

Now I know.

And I almost followed her back to London because of going back to a place that became my home when she was there.

Im safe In the knowledge that come a few months, not even, Ill be in yet another new home, one without old history and only her. But it doesnt stop me looking up and wanting to tell her something I find funny. And not seeing her anywhere.

The first few hours are always the worst they say. How one can spend a week with another and feel like it's always been this way? Much as it scares the living daylights out of me, I do love it. But its ridiculous in a way, Ive spent over a year waiting for June and September. Despite the fact that today is almost june 2nd.... it's never felt so far away.

The course next year will make or break me, this I know. Im determined it will make me, but there is so much I dont understand or even know. Also I wont be in the same job or earning the same I am here. As a materialistic one I say two words. Summer. Job.
As I have about 200 years worth of french theatre to catch up on, Im gonna go back to reading or cursing at Sartre or Moliere, either/or. I swear if theye werent already dead....
Yours as always Rose

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uhhh hm. [23 May 2006|01:02pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

How to tell I'm very very very very frustrated.

10) The fact that I dont feel the warmth of the coffee I spilt on my lap.

9)I'm having conflicting thoughts about what to do on my fag break.

8)... and this is altogether quite worrying, I cannot find my pager *anywhere*

7)My nails are way longer than any self respecting not single lesbians should be.

6)I'm having a love/hate relationship with my spinny chair. Part of me wants to innocently twirl around on it, the realistic part of me snorts and says oh puh-lease.

5)Im in trousers. Very tight ones, that on reflection, I shouldnt be wearing.

4)I've had more cold water than could keep an entire greenhouse blossoming. Ive drunk some too.

3)Frankly most objects on my desk are looking appealing, in a way that inanimate objects really shouldnt. Especially that stapler.

2)Im saying my seventeen times tables. Ive gotten as far as seventeen. Twice.

1)The amount of flashbacks Im having could make a decent episode of CSI.

Argh get me to a nunnery?
Oh god. No. Not thinking about nuns outfits. Non.

*headdesk repeatedly*

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the sensible thing to do [20 May 2006|06:44am]
[ mood | calm ]

Ooooh, another ten mins to go and I'm free. To reeeest.
Meh, ok, Nodding Duchess walkin over, purty dress. Aw bless her she's with her new gentleman friend, yay, get to leave after all.
Right, jacket. Oh yeah didnt take one. Bag. Got it. Phone. Fags? At bottom of bag; lighter? Next to till? Argh of course everyone wants another drink. Lose bag. Wine? Cool, spritzer. For that girl there? Argh Gianni!! You fancy everyone....Lazy tart, whatever, ok ya, Ill take it over, but then I really am leavin. Ya it *is* a fab dress but not really something Id wear, not really my styl- Katrina. Here.. I was leaving anyway. .... What?! Hand no dont do it, Im at work. Brain engage mouth. Tell ears to ignore.

Argh sick of political debate. Berlusconi is a brat, no matter how many times they recount he will stilll looooooooose. Aw Signoro Depretes seems a gent, bless him. Aaaaah yay Im free to g-. You are kiddin me Gianni. You're 32 years old go chat her up yourself. The band were lovely tonight, gonna be humming their stuff all the way ho- oh. Crap.... No she didnt.Why so loud? Evryone heard.I just. No. Please please say she didnt. My workplace. My reputation. Music. Listen to music. Ignore her. I cant believe she just... Duchess you rock.

Should have done nails darker pink. Hm. Oooh yay, dress still intact. Aww Sig. Depretes still kisses girls hands. Lil charmer, lol, seems a sweetie
Ok bag, phone, fags..... lighter? Ah yes light- Ok whatever. Argh cold. Hate hate vibes to ice. Spritzer? At this hour? Whatever. Fine. Just the one? Hmph, waste of time. I could be havin a fag right now and chattin to the badly neglected oh. Crap. Put glass down. Must loosen grip on glass. Do *not* smack her with it. Ignore ears and eyes, just put it down, itll hurt us more than her. You will lose job. Ah glass on table. Goooood. Now curl up. Nails in palm. Atta girl. Long as we stay away from her face. Tell ears to listen to music. Music. Band. Not her. Stay away. Behind back. Play with rings.
Who? Duchess?

Tired. Wants sleep. Want fag before sleep. Love the bands cover of "You belong to me", though for sure Ill be bloody singin that for the next week or so. Awww what an absolute gent. He's like a bubbly Richard Gere... And pain in the ass she is changin her mind every two days about wedding plans, Duchess isnt so bad. Yawn. Home. Argh why do the contents of my bag always end up littered everywhere? Gianni now what- Oh you .. you suck. You know I cant say no when you flash the dimples.... Fine whatever. But dont come cryin to me when she leaves without thankin you. The band really *are* good, must book them more often. From here she kinda looks like. Right, drink down and leave. Dont just stand there. What? Why is she smirking? What?
"I heard your step dad's coming to see you." She's toasting me? People are staring, why? "Here's to what you do best Rose, here's to keeping it in the family. But damn girl, your uncle wasnt enough?"
Message to Ears, you misheard. Message to hands, you didnt, but please please dont react. At home we will batter pillows. Pillows dont press charges. "Leave this room immediately Signorina or I shall escort you myself." Huh? Duchess? I dont know ... I just.. I need.
I need to go home.

*smile* *smiles* *smirks* Evening Ma'am. Oh hello sir. Lovely to meet you to- Oh. *laugh* I didnt realise anyone still kissed hands. I'll be leaving soon, but it was a pleasure Sig. Ma'am I will see you during the week, have a pleasant evening. *smiles* *twist* *Bite lip* Gianni!! OK fine. *smile* You need to stop with the dimples at me and do it to the ones you fancy. *smirk* Selectively shy ya mean. *twist* Hmmm hm mm you beloooong to *drop* *shut* *blank* *bite lip* Bite lip till bleeds* *open* *shut* *stay firmly shut*

Bet you're glad I was here huh?

Katrina. Your poor poor girl. I wonder what could have hurt you the way you want to hurt me.

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courses of time [17 May 2006|08:07am]
I had a whole load of existential crap here.
Its an exam. About numbers. Which I'll do. And do fine in, if only coz its gonna be testing me on stuff Ive been doing for the last five years.

Course, if I never see a decimal point ever again, I'll be that much the happier.

Yours as always.
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my increasingly short attention spa- [16 May 2006|12:11am]
[ mood | amused ]

So I woke up and did the morning shift, with the honourable intention of coming back to revise for an exam that is looming closer than I'd really like it to. Did it go as planned?
Did it hell.

Ten Reasons I Think I Procrastinated Today:

1)My nails are manicured to an inch of their life.

2)Every single ironable item of clothing I own is flatter than Paris Hilton's chest.

3)All the washing up has been done.

4)A trip was made to the store to replace said broken (but clean) crockery.

5)My work havent called me in, therefore it can only mean the phone line is broken. Copious calls are made (in the name of techology of course) to assure myself that it is fully functional. And catch up with various people's gossip.

6)My books and cd's are now alphabetized. And dusted.

7)I realise I tidied away the books needed for aforementioned revision. Trying to find them takes the best part of an hour, Ive only ever reffered to them as "that cure for insomnia" or "ugh the booky thing."

8)I cleaned the bathroom.

9)I needed a long cleansing bath after doing so.

10)... And most importantly. I'm typing a list of it all.

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no subject really, just life continually amazes me. [11 May 2006|06:01pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Um ok.*thinks*

Sooo aside from me not updating for donkey's years - (on an aside are donkeys like dogs and live in differnt years to us? Coz that would explain a few things about how come most of my clients are older. Yes I'm discriminating. Oh bite me.) - Oh but there's a reason. There's quite a few. Ive been studying. No, falling off the chair with laughter is uncalled for, I do occaisionally study and work. Kinda. Ish. When bars shut and there's nothing on telly.

OOOH and I went to Paris. Hm. Not proving the *I'm so studious* point I realise. But dammit, I went to Paris. With Mrs Matthews, and yaaaa it was um. Yeah it was simply divine. Saw the flat, and while it needs to be knocked down and rebuilt.  a teeny bit of work, itll be all good and sorted for september.

Apart from that? Mama's been her usual royal pain in the butt matchmakin me with various blokes self and asking me to kindly date men. *smirks* I'm honestly unclear why she insists so much, it isnt as if straight relationships we oh so simple and all work out wonderfully. She herself is onto henpecked sex slave and bread winner husband number two.

So I was procrastinating severly and ignoring the client who had been whining in my ear for the last half hour catching up with my meditation, when the lovely mercury127 came online and proceeded to distract me further entertain me. The conversation is one of the more typical ones, wonderfully random. But this one, I think,
surpasses them all for a good while.

And that was only part of my productive month. *Smiles* But I've actually loved it, over here its so warm, and Spring has definately made its' prescence felt.

I love that feeling, the one you get before summer, that everything is a build up to that holiday and that minute of absolute peaceful bliss. Course I'm not getting it this year, but I dont actually care, it'll all be worth it in the end.

Argh. Ends. The other day was the end of my *ever* wondering why people refuse to take me seriously at work. I had an evil headache, so asked one of the other girls to go rummage in my desk for nurofen, while I had to go drop off some files to a meeting. I get outside the door and realise my pager is vibrating in a way I'd enjoy if it weren't for the roomful of serious director people. Sooo I stop to read them and who do I see but Mr annoying Berlusconi supporter and tells everyone so in his column. With his wife and irritating dog thing, though Im frankly hard pressed to tell the difference. Svetlana comes running up to me, proclaming she'd found them. The lil dog thing decides my leg is the closest itll get to sex anytime soon. My boss? Opens the damn door to my being dry humped by bloody lil dog, Reporter dude smirking his face off, my telling Svetlana NO theyre not nurofen, theyre Viagara, mine is the *other* desk.

There is no other desk. Hm. So I did what any other rational person would do, gave him the file, shook the dog off, walked into the room, smoothed my skirt down, realised only too late the leg that had been humped was now stockingless. Well around my ankle anyhow. So, I picked it back up, patted my hair and acted for all the world like I wasnt into bestiality.

Yes. A highly productive month. Oh and the Viagara? Really isn't mine. I dont even know how its got from my pocket to my desk.

Note to self, may want to rethink the whole pet thing.

And the Viagara thing.

And the job thing.

*re-reads, lights fag and shrugs*

Ah well. Least I can write decent poetry.

*smirks* And we'll always have Paris.


with the dog thing is it really appropriate? I just..

Much affection, ugh I sound like my mom

Screw this

Love as always (phew)

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everyones noone [25 Apr 2006|12:11am]
[ mood | angry ]

So the girl who almost fainted last month made me determined to write an abundance of emails and run around after the suits for better working conditions for them and rotas that aren't stupid.
Last week I won, they agreed to do it my way.
Fabulous non?
*raises eyebrow*
Well kinda.
One of the girls who has three jobs to pay rent on her closet sized flat and eat stupidly small amounts of food was found a coupla hours ago. Overdose.
Do I think it's my fault and I coulda written more emails quicker and maybe raised her hopes so she woudlnt have felt the way she did? Id be lying if I said no. But a part of me thinks I could have avoided it.
This same part is determined not to let any other of my girls ever feel the same way, with that determination off I trot to write copious amounts of indignant emails.
That poor girls family. I hope they know my thoughts are with them.
Its just not right.

Yours as always
Rose xxx

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atcha service [08 Apr 2006|05:06pm]
[ mood | confused ]

My work needs to either stop giving me number out like its a pack of smarties or they need to be more specific who they give it to.

Someone just called me and ordered or tried to order a margherita.
When I pointed out Im not a delivery service they changed it to a napolitana and offered to come pick it up.

*raises eyebrow*

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insatiably full [08 Apr 2006|04:39pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

A rock and a hard place is pretty much where I am; I have been for a while now. Not caught between work and real life as it were, I manage to let the compartments of my life merge without any real kind of problem. Except it is really, I don’t think I quite understood it till now, and even now frankly, I’m still a little confused. For if my thought pattern transpires as muddled as it is on paper that it is in my head then good luck to those reading this. Good luck to those trying to make sense of it, although as a general rule my non-sense makes an odd kind of sense. Although I’m willing to wager this would be the only time I don’t.

So we were at rocks and hard places I think. Yes. So for the sake of argument lets’ say I have work friends from the hotel who are a certain way, they don’t need to act educated and all polite and lovely, they’ve been working in catering too long and watch their P’s and Q’s just a little too closely for my taste but in general are lovely people. There are also the dancer lot, who are a lot more shall we say expansive? Extroverted maybe, I’m not entirely sure that the one word can do them justice. Needless to say, they are the polar opposite of the hotel guys, which isn’t a problem; I love how different everyone I know is.

My family and my friends out of the work and dance bubble are yet another safety net, another place I can kick back and be me and love not having to be all work rose, but I got to be family rose which is another thing altogether. They aren’t people I compete with or tried to go one better with, although I do need people like that who challenge me and make me want to push myself that little bit further, I equally need and yes it *is* a need, the people who just are happy to let me be me.

My lady has a category all to herself, I won’t hurt your cynical sensibilities by babbling on about how lovely it feels to be with her, but if you read the list of reasons I love her, it should give you a pretty good idea. She’s probably the one who sees me most truthfully in terms of who and what I am, poor woman.

So what of the rock and the hard place?
I don’t feel challenged anymore, which is laughable because everyday at work I come up against one pillock or another, but I still go home feeling like I could have done something better or more efficiently. I don’t just mean work, like in everything it feels like I’m only there half heartedly when the irony is I’m most probably trying harder than most people in the room.

Why am I feeling like this, well why does anybody feel like this. I’m not a person of excess, but I do like to think I do things to the best of my ability however much or little I may know at the time. For some reason it feels empty, like I’m not pushing as much as I should. Pushing what or whom and what direction I have not the foggiest.
I know, I *know* I cant realistically be everything to everyone and I know there is sooo much stuff I cannot do,and yet; it’s worked reasonably well thus far non?
I mean, aside from me splitting into seven different people, and losing sight of who I was and quite literally working myself into a hospital bed, it worked just fine didnt it?

Yours as always
Rose xxx

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